


Walk the Verse.

by Kilgore_Trout_0



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x19-20 didn't happen, AU, Alternate Universe - Canon, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Dean Winchester Sings, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Multiverse, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Sad with a Happy Ending, after ep15x18, alt-Castiel, happy ending-ish, post dispair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29066505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kilgore_Trout_0/pseuds/Kilgore_Trout_0
Summary: This was the fourth universe this week for Castiel. In total he’d already crossed over seventy alternate realities. In his own, he’d begged Death to take him but she refused. Jack and Castiel had both searched, Heaven and Hell, scoured the earth, but the soul of Dean Winchester was no where to be found. Still Castiel kept moving forward, stayed at Jack’s side, helping guide him as he set the world back in order. But once it seemed Jack no longer needed him, he asked for something for himself. Since Jack had watched Castiel in pain for long enough, he granted his request. And Castiel become the only being other than Jack, who could open up rifts between universes. Because he'd be damn if he was going to stay in one without Dean Winchester.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	Walk the Verse.

**Author's Note:**

> (Highly suggest first listening to the song "I Lost a Friend" By FINNEAS)

Castiel slipped through the door of the crowded bar without anyone noticing him. He tucked himself it to the shadows towards the back of the bar, farthest from the stage. The last performer still making their way off the stage.

  
This was the fourth universe this week for Castiel. In total he’d already crossed over seventy alternate realities. In his own, he’d begged Death to take him.  
“I made an exception for Dean Winchester, but still there are rules. And for you Castiel, cosmic consequences. This is your fault.” Billy said, with a gestured down at Dean’s bloody, body. “You will never be collected Castiel. You will live for eternity with the blood of Dean Winchester on your hands. And don’t try and find him in the empty, you wont.” And she was gone. Left to play out her own death in privacy.

  
Telling Sam was the hardest and if it weren’t for the fact they still had Chuck to deal with he would have lost all composure. In the end Sam, Jack and Castiel took down Chuck. And when Jack became the new ruler of the universe Castiel asked for Dean back. But like Death said, Jack couldn’t find him in the empty. Jack and Castiel both searched, Heaven and Hell, scoured the earth but the soul of Dean Winchester was no where. Particles returned to the universe.

  
Castiel kept moving forward, stayed at Jack’s side and helped guide him as he set the world back in order. But when the time came and it seemed like Jack no longer needed him there he asked for something for himself.

  
“Are you sure?” Jack asked.

“Please, my work here is done Jack.”

  
“But Cas, what you're talking about… the odds of finding–“

  
“I don’t care. I have to try.” Castiel said, firmly.

  
It was clear that he would not be swayed. And Jack had watched Castiel in pain for long enough. Jack granted him the power he asked for. Becoming the only creature besides Chuck, (when he was God) and Jack, who could open up rifts between universes.

Some of the universes where so different earth looked like another planet entirely, others where so similar they was almost indistinguishable from his own.  
He explained the “diverging paths” theory to Sam and Eileen, before he left.

  
“Theoretically, ever choice we make creates different branches of the multiverse.” Castiel said.

  
“Like Sliding Doors.” Sam said and signed.

  
Eileen looked sideways at him. “You’ve seen Siding Doors?” she signed with a quark of her brow.

  
“What?” Sam shrugged.

  
Castiel was looking at them confused, never having seen the movie.

  
Sam saw the look. “Go on Cas.”

  
“I just need to find the right universe, one where most of our experiences have been the same, leading up to…” Castiel’s voice trailed off. It had been a few years and he still spent most of his time beating himself up for not trying to save Dean the only way he maybe could have, summoning the empty.

  
Sam and Eileen tried to talk him out of leaving, but it was a half hearted attempt. They knew nothing they said would stop him.

  
…

  
Castiel had been traveling between universes for months. He’d found worlds, with Dean alive and well, but they’d never met. Worlds where they had never faced Chuck. Where Sam, Dean and another version of himself still hunted, living as normal, or as normal as it got for them. Worlds where Sam and Dean didn’t exist. Worlds where Sam was an only child. Then there were the monster worlds. Lands covered in leviathan, or vampires. Worlds with war, worlds with biological warfare. In a realm of infinite universes Castiel was seeing it all.

  
Each world he tried to move through like a ghost, while he determined at what point that world diverged from his own. He knew that finding the very specific one he was looking for among the infinite options was likely impossible, let alone in the amount to time he had. Castiel might have been eternal, but time was still moving normal for the multiverse, meaning each Dean was aging at the normal human rate. Impossible, but this was the only thing Castiel could do that made him feel any sense of purpose.

…

  
Back in the bar Castiel spotted an open stool at the end of the bar near the wall in the shadows and moved to hide himself there. He could see Sam and Eileen at a table near the stage from where he sat. He’d followed them from the bunker. He hadn’t seen Dean yet in this world, but he knew he was alive since he over heard Sam on the phone, telling Dean they would see him there.

  
Castiel scanned the bar and crowd but didn’t see him. Then the crowed started clapping and cheering as the next performer stepped on the stage. Castiel saw Sam’s giant form stand to his feet, clapping then placing his fingers to his lips and giving a loud whistle. Castiel dragged his eyes to the man moving across the stage, acoustic guitar in one hand and clad in a dark green flannel. It was him, Dean, alive, well, and looking a little more than nervous.

  
Castiel tucked himself into the dark a little farther. He’d already check in this heaven and knew this worlds version of himself was dead. But that didn’t automatically mean this was the world he was looking for. He’d found a few like that, but the paths had diverted much sooner in then time line of him and Dean. And many of them hadn’t ended on good terms. He’s even seen worlds where Dean himself had been the one to kill Castiel. That world hurt in particular.

  
Dean sat down on the stool in the middle of the stage, adjusting the mic and stand to the right hight. The Dean Castiel knew never played guitar, but it’d been a few years maybe he’d taken it up recently. If the nervous laugh this Dean let out was any indication this was not something he was used to.

  
As his fingered picked a crossed the strings Castiel felt heavy, rooted to the bar stool that held him up. Dean was skilled, playing the intro to a song with his eyes closed. Infusing the performance with a passion the previous artist hadn’t. Castiel tunes out every other sound in the bar and keyed in to hear only Dean’s voice it poured out of him like thick honey over warm toast.

_I lost a friend,_   
_Like keys in the soft,_   
_Like a wallet in the back seat,_   
_Like ice in the summer heat,_   
_I lost a friend,_   
_Like sleep on a red eye_   
_Like money on a bad bet,_   
_Like time worrying about everything that hasn’t happened yet._

Dean hadn’t opened his eyes at all, probably pretending he was alone and not sitting in front of a crowed of people.

_I know I'll be alright, but I'm not tonight_   
_I'll be lying awake counting all the mistakes I've made_   
_Replaying fights_   
_I know I'll be alright, but I'm not tonight_   
_I lost a friend, I lost a friend_

Transfixed Castiel found himself leaning in, out of the shadows slightly. Wanting to be closer to examine Dean’s face. He could see the familiar look of, pain. But not the physical sort. The look he’d seen there when he’d lost his mother, and the times he’d thought he’d lost Sam.

  
As Dean lead in to the course of the song he tipped his head back slightly and Castiel could almost see the ache in his soul.

_I lost my mind, and nobody believes me_   
_Say, "I know that he don't need me_   
_'Cause he made a little too much money to be 20 and sad"_   
_And I'll be fine without 'em_   
_But all I do is write about 'em_   
_How the hell did I lose a friend I never had?_   
_Never had_

The song continued and Castiel let himself indulge, briefly, imagining himself as the friend in the song. He still wasn’t sure when this universe diverted from his own.

_I'm on the mend_   
_Like I'm wearing a neck brace_   
_Like I'm sleeping in my own place_   
_Like I'm pulling all the stitches out of my own face_   
_I'm on the mend_   
_Like I'm icing a new sprain_   
_Like I'm walking on a new cane_   
_Like it's been a few days_   
_Since I slipped and said something sorta like your name_

The sounds of the bar were quiet now, not because Castiel tuned them out but because the whole audience was transfixed. The sounds of the guitar and Dean’s voice laying thick over the air. And for the first time Castiel looked away from Dean and saw Sam, signing the words of the song to Eileen. Sam looked emotional as well, his eyes heavy with unshed tears. He struggled to keep signing as he watched his brother pour out his heart on stage. Eileen grasped his arm, to let him know he didn’t have to continue. They exchanged kind smiles as Eileen held his hand. Sam’s shoulders fell and he just watched Dean’s performance. The course repeated with the same vigor and emotion as before, drawing everyone deeper in to the journey with him.

_How the hell did I lose a friend I never had?_   
_I'd apologize, if I thought it might make a difference_   
_Or make you listen_   
_I'd apologize if it was black and white_   
_But life is different_   
_Just try to listen to me now_   
_I know I'll be alright, but I'm not tonight_   
_I lost a friend, I lost a friend_   
_I lost my mind…_

It was the first time in months Castiel allowed him self to hope he had found his way to the right place, the right universe, the right Dean. As he finished the song and his voice slowly died away from the microphone there was a heavy beat of silence that sat in the bar before the eruption of applause. The first to his feet and loudest was Sam of course, but he was far from the only one who stood. Castiel leaned back into his shadow.

  
Dean’s eyes opened, and he seemed a little surprised to find himself on stage and getting the cheers from the rowdy crowd. He wiped a hand over his face and offered up and appreciative smile to the crowd, then waved and made a hasty retreat off the side of the stage. Sam lumbered across the room and pulled his big brother in to a crushing hug. Dean appreciated it but honestly would have preferred it not happen in front of a crowd of people that were still looking at him. Dean put the guitar away and sat down with Sam and Eileen. The rest of the night folks sent him drinks as tokens of appreciating for the performance. When Castiel saw the looks in a few of the woman’s eye watching Dean he determined it wasn’t a good idea for him to stay in the bar, plus it was too easy for one of them to spot him. He used his restored wings to move outside.

  
He found the impala, and regarded it before tilting his head as he noticed something off about it. He brushed his finger tips over the door near the driver side handle. They came away dirty. He stepped back and looked it over, the impala was dirty. The only times he’d seen it dirty was rolling back after a rough hunt, and Dean always washed it the next day, if not that same day. Maybe this Dean wasn’t as religious at keeping her clean?

  
…

  
Castiel told himself he should leave, that he couldn’t find anything else out here, tonight. Really he should have headed to the bunker while he knew they were out and checked for more clues as to how close this reality was to his. But this was the closest Dean he’d ever seen to his own. Even with the oddly uncharacteristically emotional vulnerable performance, and dirt impala. This Dean’s soul was so familiar, he didn’t want to be far from him, not yet. Castiel moved out of sight to a near by tree line. He cringed as he waited to see which of the beautiful women in the bar Dean would leave with.

  
When Sam and Eileen walked out of the bar he hadn’t expected Dean to be right behind them, alone. Dean hugged Eileen, signed and spoke, “Thank you of coming.”

  
“Of course,” she said back.

  
Then him and Sam hugged. “Have a good time,” Dean said, with an extra pat on Sam’s back as they broke apart.

  
“Dean we don’t have to leave tonight, we can head out tomorrow.” Sam offered.

  
“Are you kidding? You two are long over due for a vacation. You go. Enjoy the cabin. I’ll hold down the fort,” Dean said, tapping Baby’s keys in his palm.

“Dean,” Sam tried to plead.

“Sam, I’m good.” Dean smiled “Plus, I own that brunette a drink right?” he jabbed a thumb over his should at the bar.

Sam just gave him a tense smirk.

“Go,” Dean added.

Sam climbed in the passenger seat of Eileen’s plymouth. Dean waved as they pulled out of the parking lot and turned out of sight. Then Dean’s hands dropped to his sides. He didn’t bother turning back toward the bar, instead he headed to the impala.

  
Castiel didn’t remember making the choice to step out of the shadows, to move closer. As if something other than his own will compelled him. The leaves under his feet rustled, and Dean turned quickly, drawing his gun from his waist band. With his back to the impala Dean could only make out the shape of the man still a few yards away.

  
“Hold it!” Dean snapped.

  
Castiel took another step, letting the light from the Bar sign fall a cross his face. What was he doing? He hadn’t done half of his usual checks to see if that was the right world, but here he was, doing the one thing he told himself he wouldn’t. Talking to a Dean Winchester without knowing when their paths diverged.  


“Cas?” Dean voice was weak.

  
“Dean,” Cas’ own voice sounded strange to him.

  
Tears already brimmed at Dean’s eyes. “Is it really you?”

“Yes,” Cas answered automatically then quickly said, “and no. It’s complicated.”  
  


Dean tightened the grip on his gun. “If this is some demon trick you're really gonna regret taking that form. buddy.”

“I’m not a demon Dean.” Castiel took a breath and unfurled his wings, even with only a hint of a shadow of them Dean lowered his weapon.

“How?” Dean breathed.

“I’m from another universe.”

Dean’s shoulders seemed to drop a little at the statement. And Cas tried to push down the sadness inside him, at the disappointment he’d seen in Dean’s face.

“But if you and I couldn’t just speak, I could explain why I’ve come. Please, I have been looking for you a long time,” Cas pleaded.

Dean walked slowly closer, tucking the gun back into the small of his back as he did. He stood face to face with Cas, looking him over, as if Dean could look through Cas and see his soul the way Cas did with him.

“You seem a lot like my Cas,” Dean said.

The words rung on Castiel’s head, my Cas.

“That’s good. Can we go back to the bunker? It’s kinda a long story.”

  
…

  
Castiel wanted to wait till they were face to face before he started to explain, that way he could watch and read Dean’s expressions. Instead Castiel just tired to enjoy the familiar feeling of riding in the impala with Dean. He could sense the coiled up tension inside of Dean. It was fair and understandable. Castiel had seen enough different versions of himself that he was glad Dean was skeptical, if he hadn’t been it wouldn't really been the right Dean.

  
“Your performance… it was… you’re very talented,” Castiel said, venturing a look over at Dean.

Dean gripped the steering wheel and shifted uncomfortably. He only let his eye flick over for a second. “You were in there?”

Castiel looked down, feeling caught. “Yes, it was quite moving.”

Dean cleared is throat awkwardly, “Thanks.”

Nothing else was said on the drive.

  
…

  
Castiel followed Dean through the door and down the stairs in to the bunking. Heading strait for the drink cart, Dean poured them both a generous helping of whiskey. Instead of handing it to Castiel he set it on the table in front of him.

“Okay, well?” Dean looked at him expectantly.

“It might be better if I ask a few questions first.” Castiel tried to suggest.

“No,” Dean said adamantly, “That’s not how this works. You’re gonna tell me where you’re from and why you’re here.”

Castiel couldn’t help the smirk that sparked on his face.

“What?” Dean snapped.

“You’re… very, you.”

“Um, okay.”

Picking the drink up Castiel had a sip and pulled the chair out to sit. He motioned for Dean to take the one opposite him, reluctantly he did.

“My universe is very similar to this one.” He looked around the bunker. “For all I know it’s nearly identical.” Castiel paused, trying to formulate the right words, in the pause Dean cut in.

“So why are you here at all?”

Castiel looked up and meet the green eyes he’d missed so much. “Diverging paths,” he said under his breath.

“What?”

Castiel sighed. “There are infinity universes, each choice we make causes branches in realities that make up the multiverse. I am looking for a specific one.”

“Okay?” Dean said, a little confused but following enough to keep up. “What are you looking for?”

“Us.” There was a heavy pause in the air between them. “In my universe,” Cas swallowed hard. “You’re dead. Killed by Billy in the dungeon after you and I went to kill her for prematurely taking our people. Really it was Chuck the whole time.” Castiel looked down. “It really wold have been better if you had let me ask some questions first.”

“Go on,” was all Dean said.

“You had cut Billy with her own scythe and she was after you and I couldn’t… I didn’t save you.” Castiel wore his shame heavy on his shoulders.

Dean’s eyes were wide as silver dollars.

“When the dust settled, and Jack couldn’t find you... there was no bring you back. I thought, maybe if I could find a world… the right world. One where our experiences together were very similar, one where our point of divergence were close to the same time…” Castiel tapered off, feeling ridiculous now that he was saying it out loud. He fixed his eyes on the glass in front of him. “I’ve been through a lot of world, searching. Usually I try to pass unnoticed until I’m sure it’s not the right world, then I move on. But, tonight after your performance… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have spoken to you.”

  
“What happened?” Dean’s voice was heavy and it made Castiel look up.

His face was white, and his eyes locked on him.

Castiel tilted his head, not sure what Dean was asking.

“When Billy came? What happened when Billy came to the dungeon.”

Something in Castiel’s mind fell in to place. There was recognition in Dean’s face, he had his own memory of the same situation.

“Cosmic consequences. When Billy killed you, your atoms where returned to the universe, no resurrection and I… she said I would never, be collected. I had to just keep living knowing…”

“Knowing what?” Dean asked.

“Knowing I could have saved you.” Castiel said, his throat tight.

Dean put his head in his hands, looking down at the table, hiding his face while he took in the information. Then he stood and crossed the room back to the drink cart, refilling his glass sloppily.

“I’m very sorry. I should never have shown myself. I didn’t really plan to. I can go.” Castiel moved to stand.

“Wait.” Dean said, still facing the drink cart, his back to Castiel.

He stopped.

“You did.” Dean said, in a quiet voice. “Here, you saved me from Billy.”

The words hit Castiel like a punch to the gut. All the choices that lead the two of them to that dungeon in that same situation meant much of their experiences had to have been the same.

Dean turned to face him now. Castiel standing, halted from leaving.

“You saved me. You summoned The Empty and it took you and Billy.” Dean's eyes were soft with tears but less sorrow than Castiel expected.

He meet Dean’s gaze again. “He said it?” Castiel asked.

“Yeah.” Dean nodded.

Castiel looked down, that familiar feeling of shame dragging him down again. How could he not have saved his own Dean?

“I wish I would have,” Castiel said.

With gentle steps Dean closed the distance between them. “I wish I would have too,” Dean said softly.

They stood face to face, close, just inside the edge of a normal personal space bubble. Dean finished off his drink and set the glass on the table beside them. He let out a small sign, so small if they hadn’t been so close Castiel might have missed it.

“It sounds like our worlds or whatever might have been pretty close to the same.”

“Yes, it’s appearing that way,” Castiel agreed, nervously swallowing at the lump in his throat.

“I’ve tried to get him back. Tried to make deals, but nothing ever pans out,” Dean said all the while looking over Castiel’s face, apparently examining ever inch.

“I did as well, with you.” Castiel thought it over then asked. “Here did I… he,” he didn’t know what word to use, “kill Billy when she was still a reaper?”

“Yeah, to save mom.” The thought jogged Dean’s memory and his brow tightened over the bridge of his nose. “Cosmic consequences?”

Castiel nodded. “Theres a good chance there is nothing to bring back.”

It felt a lot like being torn apart for Castiel. One moment he just wanted to comfort Dean for his lost friend and the next he wanted so badly to step in to the roll of that Cas. They were so close to the same, a hares breath from the same being. But for all Castiel knew, Dean might have thought of him he as a complete stranger. Then again why did he stand so close?

They’d stood there a moment in silence. Castiel letting Dean take in the information and dictate what would come next. He waited for him to step a way, to tell him to leave, instead he just found the perching green eyes searching his own.

“So, you’ve just been universe hopping, looking for me?” A hint of a blush came to Dean’s face.

“I didn’t really want to stay in a universe without a Dean Winchester.”

A tiny crooked smile quirked the side of Castiel’s mouth. The small expression broke something inside of Dean. He reached out, wrapped his arm around Castiel’s ribcage and pulled his body flush with his own.

He leaned in, gently pressing his lips to Castiel’s, who was momentally caught off guard, but quickly responded in kind, pressing in to Dean’s body and lips. It was brief and clumsy but honest and true. The kiss ended but they didn’t brake apart.

With their heads resting gently together Castiel breathed, saying the words he’d regretted not saying on the worst night of his very long existence.

“I love you.”

Dean smiled. Over whelmed that he was able to be back in this moment, hearing the words again, and this time not letting them go unanswered.

“Of course I love you, Cas.” Dean said.

A tightness in his chest eased. Both of them finally able to say the unsaid thing that had hunted them.

**Author's Note:**

> My mind keeps looking for ways to give these characters a better ending.  
> (Sorry the spacing is so wonky.)


End file.
